There's nothing beautiful about me. I'm not a film star beauty, or center photograph. My name won't be blazed across the screen, nor will it even be swooned over. I've come to accept that lately, and I'm alright with it. There is something to be said about inner beauty, but it's also abundantly clear that only ugly people say things like that.
The thing is that I see beauty all around me and I feel like I don't belong to it. There are some extraordinarily beautiful things in this life, things that take your breath away and make you appreciate every second you have with them, and all you want to do when you find them is be with them and hold them and claim them as your own.
And I think there's the problem. What gives anyone the right to claim anything else as theirs? I find it a struggle to call my apartment mine because it's not only shared with two other guys, but it's a lease, a temporary roof over my head that may or may not be broken into while I stay here. It's just stuff, it has no value. But beauty... Beauty alone holds something that everybody craves, everybody desires. It's an indescribable quality that makes people do crazy things and turns brother against brother. I couldn't tell you what makes something beautiful, but I could damn well point it out to you.
Ferraris are beautiful, but I don't know why. A song can be beautiful, even though you can't see it. Books can describe it, and poetry and mimic it, but it's easily found in a font flourish. Architecture strives for it and only rarely succeeds. But above all, women hold the very lock on beauty, for which I cannot begin to hope for a key to.
There are some girls I've met, walked past, seen from a distance, that just floor me and I couldn't begin to describe why. Is it the cut of their hair or the flow of their cheek? The rise of their breast or the way cloth itself is transformed into liquid on their shoulders? I don't know. But I've been noticing it more and more lately, for whatever reason. I've been down in the dumps for a couple days, feeling sorry for myself and generally just plodding along without much hope of change. But in those couple of days I've been stopped in my tracks more than once by a random girl, a stunning vision that literally makes the world seem to stop and take note.
Maybe I just haven't noticed it before, being so set in my ways or whatever you want to call it, but the world is full of beauty and love. It's just a matter of holding on to it when it's placed in your hand. I've dropped it twice now, and I promise I won't do it again.
